Heidi Hintze

I'm Heidi's older sister, Heather. My mother wrote this poem and we'd
appreciate it if you posted it. Thanks so much!

First Christmas After the Death of Heidi
(4/25/86)

I looked for you today
In all the shoppers' faces
I saw your shoes, your socks
The backs of your legs
But always
When I got closer
It wasn't you

I shopped for you today
In every store
I found something
You would have wanted
And I fingered each garment
Feeling the texture of the material
As if that would somehow
Bring you closer

But Christmas is nearly here
And everyone is frantically rushing
Trying to find the right gift
Frantically searching
Just like me

Love, Mom

Heidi

1970-1986

She was my child
And I weep
But I weep for myself
Not for Heidi
Now she is free!

 

I remember I dressed her as a gypsy
For Halloween when she was three
Her cheeks were so rosy red with rouge
A colorful bandana tied ‘around her head

Do we still have the Pilgrim dress
She wore that Thanksgiving?
Her picture made the front page
Of the Rio Grande Sun

Do you remember when she
Couldn’t say the word “girl”?
She called girls “gores” instead

She was fat with chubby thighs
Her eyes were big with long lashes
Her little hands were often chapped
Kenneth put lotion on them
Made of Ammonia and glycerin
And she hated it
She didn’t know how to describe
The burning pungency of its aroma
As she inhaled it
She used to say
“Mommy, it smells my mouth-it smells my mouth!”

One Christmas she made a styrofoam decoration
With her snapshot pasted on it
And several Melmac plates
Adorned with grade school drawings

She grew taller and became slim

It was third grade
She decided to play the violin
And we applauded enthusiastically
To the primitive screeching of
“Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”
And “Pierrot’s Door”
At her first recital

Heidi Loved Clothes
I remember a green, shiny shirt
Almost satin-she just had to have
And I indulged her
And she would always wear her
Best clothes
To go to school in
Or do dirty work in
If it was once white
Our Heidi soon had it
Spotted and stained
She could be so exasperating!

Once , at Grandma’s, she got into
The perfume in Robin’s room
And then lied about it
We made her sit at the kitchen table
For hours-until she confessed
And when she did
She cried in great, gasping sobs

Do you remember how her face
Would break out in red blotches
Just before she would begin to cry?

How could we forget the fit she threw
The year she was twelve
She just had to have $30 designer jeans
But we didn’t give in
She got Roebucks and Wranglers instead
And by age 13
She didn’t care anymore
And she laughed at herself

She soon grew tall and beautiful
And the boys came around
Our phone bills got bigger
And Heidi was always on the go

Heidi was funny
And quite a joker
Do you remember the time
She fed vodka to the dog
Until it was falling down drunk
And then made her sister
Promise not to tell?

She was always imitating people
Copying their manner
Their walk, their talk
In an effort to make us all laugh 

She used the word “awesome” a lot

You know, she left a lot of
Proud people behind
Parents in the Jemez, parents in Hawaii
And parents in Los Alamos
And all her other relatives and friends
We are all proud to have had her as
Our daughter, our sister, our granddaughter and
As our friend

Heidi-now, as I say goodbye to you-
Listen to me as I tell you
You were loved!

             She was my child
          And I weep
          But I weep for myself
          NOT for Heidi
          Now she is free.

And her spirit touches the MOUNTAINTOPS!