Michelle (Bleiweis) Hinsley
How do I begin to write about the last 20 years….It’s been an incredible roller coaster ride with many dips, upside down twists, circles and stops. So here goes (Mindy I’m writing this like my journals)….I graduated from Arizona State University in 1992 with my Bachelors in Business Management. I lived in Los Alamos for about 6 months after graduation at the Croasdell house until I moved back to AZ for about a year during which I worked for an attorney. I thought Law School was what I wanted to do. My dad made me come back to NM specifically back to ABQ. I rented a house with Susie Godwin near UNM while she was going to med school and I worked for an environmental company. It was during this time that I enrolled in the Maters program at UNM in Public Administration (Leah DiMarco and Leah Burris were in the program too). I loved going to school this time because my parents weren’t telling me I had to go and I really enjoyed the small classes unlike ASU’s 500 student lecture classes! It was during this time that I then rented a house with Sheila Ruminer and a friend from work. What a party house that was! And this is where my life as a very proud wife and mother truly began….
In the summer of 1994, I met the most amazing, generous, kind, and patient man Tony Hinsley (class of 85). I knew from the moment we started dating that he was my soul mate and we were going to get married. And sure enough 4 months later we were engaged. Tony and I were married in November of 1995. At that time Tony was teaching and coaching football and I was still going to school and working part-time for the City of Albuquerque and Keep New Mexico Beautiful. Our first son Ronald Anthony Hinsley (named after Tony’s dad who passed away in 1996) was born in October of 1997. He was a big baby with tons of highlighted hair and big blue eyes who brought us amazing joy and excitement. Ronnie is now 10 and he loves sports especially football, basketball, and baseball. He is an excellent student and loves all of his friends, his PS3 and his PSP! He has tons of freckles just like I did at his age and unfortunately he was graced with my skin color – yes t-shirts in the pool forever! Our second son Justin Haim Hinsley (named after my grandma) was born in August of 1999. Yes Tony and I have this great timing with football season! Justin was a planned c-section and it was amazing to realize that your love as a parent could be stretched and shared with another child. Justin is almost 9 years old and he is an excellent student. He is currently in the gifted and talented program at the elementary the boys attend. He loves to read and write short stories. He is an incredible swimmer with a natural talent and thank God he has Tony’s skin coloring with all of his outside time. He is also really into gymnastics and wants to try diving! Our final gift from God Emily Marie Hinsley was born in 2003. Emily has stolen our hearts and taken us to a place as parents that can’t be explained. She has an incredible smile, a wonderful heart, a giving nature and an amazing spirit and fight. Many people have commented that they wish they knew her but ohh they do know her she is my mini me in more ways then I can explain but with her daddy’s spirit!
Let’s back up a little…In 2002, after much debate Tony and I took the plunge and moved the boys to South Texas, Mission Texas to be exact. We live 90 minutes from the beach and 10 minutes from Mexico. Tony got a job as a teacher and coach and a 25% increase in salary. We knew nobody but decided to start off fresh and new which gave me the opportunity to stay home and take care of the boys. Prior to that we were a part of the rat race of two working parents, daycare, long drives and little time with our kids. So we moved and started all over. We have met an unbelievable group of people here in the small town of Mission. They are all a gift from God and treat us as if we were both born and raised here. It was when we finally settled down here in Mission that we decided a third child was in order and Emily was born.
Just shortly after Emily’s first birthday a small mass was removed from her left shoulder blade. She was diagnosed with a rare form of muscle cancer called Rhabdomyosarcoma. Our world was turned upside down and my heart was broken. Upon the immediate urging of our amazing friends we took her to Houston where a team of doctors were assembled at Texas Children’s Hospital (TCH). It was then that our journey as parents would never be the same and our lives as the Hinsley family would forever change. Emily went through a year of chemo, hospitalizations, radiation, numerous blood transfusions, too many doctors visits to count, countless MRI’s and CT scans and our family as a unit was separated far too much.
Upon completion of treatment we enjoyed almost 2 years of off treatment time that began a new “normal” for us. Then in June of 2007 our world was twisted so hard I thought my heart would punch out of my chest. Emily was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She was immediately air lifted to TCH in Houston (we live about 5 ½ hours driving time away). We spent the next 2 weeks in the hospital. On June 15th 2007 Emily had her first craniotomy. She was officially diagnosed with Glioblastoma Mulitiforme a non curable cancer. Options were limited and could only take place in Houston so the whole family moved to Houston for the summer. We were graced with an organization that actually gave us the keys to an apartment to live in so we didn’t have that added expense. Emily underwent 6 weeks of site radiation therapy, oral chemo treatments, several hospitalizations and more MRI’s. Towards the end of Emily’s radiation treatments she began to have headaches again and so she was put on a high dose of steroids. We have never been able to get her off them since that time. In the beginning, she did well, continued to go to school at the Catholic Montessori School she attends, go to every football game (she is the Mission Eagles number one fan!), and basketball games. As Christmas neared her headaches started to get worse. Scans showed swelling but no tumor. Christmas was amazing. We were adopted by an incredible mom and daughter who spoiled us all. We went in the early part of January on Emily’s Make a Wish trip to DisneyWorld. We spent a week at the Give the Kids a World Village. Words cannot explain how incredible this trip was or how my children were treated like true royalty. We never waited in a line for anything, rides, characters nothing. It was just so much fun and we laughed throughout the whole entire trip! When we got back her headaches were really bad and I knew the tumor had come back.
On January 18th after an MRI we were told it was back. We had two options operate and give her time or not to operate and she had maybe weeks. How as a parent do you make that decision, I insisted on time so she had her second craniotomy on January 22nd. The gang came out strong and supported both Tony and I by holding our hands. Doc Susie was with us in the PICU and held my hand and helped me with some aroma therapy! Mindy, Lori, Janet and Leah got the pleasure of my crazy kids that never rest and Justin’s obsession with cell phones. He may have called China for all I know! At that point Emily was a very rare case at such a young age and a genetic DNA test was performed. She was diagnosed with the P-53 gene mutation-theory says Tony or I gave it to her but we both tested negative for her mutation. So as it was explained to me something happened with the egg and the sperm and they got crossed. GREAT! They gave her 3 good months to live. She celebrated her 5th birthday and is going on 4 months. She is such an incredible little girl. Her spirit is amazing and she has the most beautiful eyes with the longest eye lashes. She is the apple of her daddy’s eyes and his love for her is just magnificent. He is an incredible dad and he is so good with her. She adores her brothers. Ronnie mostly takes care of her and Justin mostly plays with her and makes her mad like big brothers sometimes do.
As a mother of child with cancer my life 20 years later is not even close to where I thought it would be. Emily beat the first cancer there is no doubt in my mind. My strength has been tested far too many times but through it all I have finally gained a faith and love for God. I’m very proud of that accomplishment in my life more than I think I even realized. I’m truly at peace with God’s plan for Emily. Tony and I were both picked by God to give this little girl 5 amazing years here on earth and in the meantime she taught us so much its overwhelming. I’m such a different person I’ve learned to love unconditionally, to forgive, have more patience (I’m still working on that one), to continue to fight for what I believe in and know what’s true and live everyday the happiest I can for it might be your last. Throughout Emily’s journey I have journaled my feelings and our roller coaster ride on her website – www.caringbridge.org/tx/emilysfight. You can see her, read about her and love her. She loves to get guestbook entries so please take the time and write to her so many have already and it’s been really neat to hear from all of you.
Unfortunately the timing of the reunion doesn’t look favorable for me to attend this year. But I will be there in spirit and so will my family. I will leave all of you today with one last thought remember to hug your kids extra tight and tell them how proud you are of them because you never know if its your last!
Michelle
I wrote this bio about 3 weeks ago. On May 27th at approximately 3:30 CST my precious girl took her last breadth. Tony and I were at her side holding her hands along with her brothers, grandma, Nana and Poppy. It was truly the most amazing peaceful moment I’ve ever experienced. Emily is now a beautiful Angel in Gods hands chasing butterflies but most importantly cancer free and finally running, jumping and laughing on her terms. She impacted so many people, the days following her passing were just incredible. Her services were amazing and the amount of people who said one last good bye was overwhelming. I’ve journaled most of the events on her website. I still feel her around me and she sends me signs all the time to tell me she is ok and with God.
My Dear Emi
I have written this letter in my mind a millions times. Never actually wanting to write but knowing that one day God would finally take you to a place of peace, happiness and fun free from cancer. A place where you can run, laugh and play while always looking down on me, your daddy and brothers. Right now as I write you this one last letter you’re sleeping very soundly but not really here with us anymore. On occasion we get a mumble of something like fighting with your brothers, telling me it’s your turn, say hi to Mickey Mouse or wanting your babba. You’ve taken me through many fun times in your short little life as I sit next to you.
Thank you Emily for coming to us and letting me be your mommy now and forever. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally, to be patient, caring, a stronger mommy and wife, to live each day and never look back at what if’s, to laugh, smile, to gain “girl power”, a faith in God and his plan and for completing our family. From the day you were born I always knew you were special but I never truly realized how special you would become to so many people.
Emi when I think of you I will always remember your curly hair, your big blue eyes, your long eyelashes, your petite little body, your love for your brothers and your special and unique bond to both daddy and I. You had an amazing smile, laugh, vocabulary, understanding of everything around you and what was happening to you during this journey on earth, a giving heart and a contagious charisma. You are and will always be loved by so many people. I’m humbled as a mommy by all the people who care about you and checked on you all the time. I know that God chose me to be your mommy and I’m thankful for his miracle for loving you for only 5 short years yet 5 glorious years all the same. You have taught me so much and given me so much love that my heart is so full of you and will always be. I look at all the pictures hanging on the walls of your beautiful face each one capturing your personality. Emily you are incredible and magnificent. Your bald beautiful head from your first cancer treatment, to those curly, curly hairs that came back to now and those cute full cheeks. I am such a better person for loving you and knowing you, remember we are two peas in a pod and we completed each other.
I will miss you so much, who will tell me how pretty I look when my hair is all over the place and when I look like I just woke up, who will tell me how crazy my hair looks, who will tell me when I don’t have my make up on are you giving your face a rest mommy, who will tell me how good I smell, who will complete my thought before I even do, who will be my side kick and go to target, Wal-Mart, the mall and all the trips to take your brothers places during the day, who will drink coffee frapicinos with me, who will go with me to the pretty store Renee’s and look around and have lunch, who will help me make daddy a sandwich at lunch time eating the lunch meat as we make it and licking the knife from the mayo, who will sing my only sunshine off key, who will rhyme everything with me, who will tell me I love your hugs mommy and that tickles when I kiss you, who will tell Ronnie and Justin to stop fighting, who will yell at Bailey and tell her how much she stinks, who will get mad when your door opens to your room wondering who is trying to sleep in it this time, who will go with me to get my toes done and help me pick out a shade of pink and who will go to all the eagle football games with me actually watching the game and cheering for number one your big brother Tre and all the other players.
Life will never be the same without you Emi. You are my warrior, my princess, my fighter, my peanut, my mama, my dude oh I mean dudette as you would always correct me, my beautiful girl, my love bug, my em, my emi and most importantly my Emily Marie. The world is better place having had you in it. Because of you Emi I hug more, I love more, and I live more. Because of you so many people have learned to cherish their own children more, hug them more often and enjoy their own families. You were a Brave Little Soul…….
'The Brave Little Soul'
Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. She especially enjoyed the love she saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day she saw suffering in the world. She approached God and sadly asked, 'Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?'
God paused for a moment and replied, 'Little Soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts.' The little soul was confused. 'What do you mean,' she asked. 'God replied, 'Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.'
The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, 'The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love - to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity.'
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain herself. With her wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, 'I am brave; let me go!! I would love to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!!'
God smiled and said, 'You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you.'
God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, 'Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.'
Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through her suffering and God's strength, she unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys - some regained lost faith - many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. People checked a website and sent notes of encouragement. People made and brought meals to the family of the suffering. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened.
God was pleased ......
Goodbye for now my sweet girl please come and get me when I’m ready. I’ll help you catch the butterflies and together we will be whole again.
I love you,
Mommy
On behalf of the entire Hinsley family we would like to thank all of our amazing friends for their love and support throughout this journey. They all know who they are and how special they are to us and how much we love them and will continue to need them as we try to heal and find our next normal. We would also like to thank our family whom without we would have not gotten through this last year. Both our moms gave up their own lives to help us and without them both, this year would have been even harder. We love you both very much. To all the doctors and nurses who treated Emily and guided us with their expertise throughout this journey thank you all for your support and compassion. I commend you all for sacrificing so much for the children of cancer. I don’t know how you all do your jobs, To the staff and student body and most especially the athletes of the Mission High Eagles past and present thank you for your incredible support and love for Emily. She was an angel sent to us all to teach many lessons in life and I know from all the guestbook entries she touched so many of you. She was your number one fan and loved to go to all the mission eagle games especially the football games. She would tell us all the time how much she missed football season. In fact the football players were about the only athletes she would give high fives to with of course Tre leading the pack! She loved you all so much as do all of us. And finally the amazing community of Mission. Words cannot express our gratitude for your love and support. We feel like we all were born here the way you all have helped us get through what no family should have to endure and adopted Emily like she was everyone’s daughter.
Run Emi, jump Emi, Fly Emi you are FREE…I love you Emi
